Parenting

Off to spend some snuggle time with the out-of-town wee ones. See everyone back here in a couple of weeks, with stories, photos, and new projects!

I grew up on Joni Mitchell. She is a gifted song writer and a talented performer. Still, to this day, I will frequently have a night with Joni. I'll dim the lights, light a few candles, get a lovely glass of red wine, put on Joni Mitchell's Blue album, and as if in H. G. Wells' time machine, be whisked back to my college years. If pushed to choose, I'd have to say "Both Sides Now" is my favorite song she wrote, which ironically, was first made popular by Judy Collins, not by Joni herself. But, perhaps, this is too much info, because all I really want to do here, is to pull some lyrics from that song : )

"There's something lost but something gained in living everyday."

As time marches on, and things change on a daily basis, I am well aware and thankful for what's been gained, but I'm also painfully aware of what has been lost. Not wishing to become overly morose, I'll focus on one singular item, dare I say "tradition" that is almost lost... and that is "the letter".  

There was a time when going to the mailbox was motivated by something completely different than checking for boxes from Amazon. Without the internet, the mailbox was a portal to the outside world. As a child I'd check the mailbox for letters from penpals, chain mail, letters and postcards from friends that were away at camp and vacations, and important correspondences from The Beatles' Fan Club of which I was a card carrying member, thank you very much :)

As a teen, the mailbox was the source of anticipation and angst, while sending and receiving the most delicious of all letters... the LOVE letter. I remember writing long letters on the thin "airmail paper" to a heart throb that went to Switzerland for a year as a foreign exchange student. At the bottom of each page I wrote: O.D.W.W.B.M. Every time I'd get a response from him, he'd ask... "What does O.D.W.W.B.M mean?" I told him I'd tell him later. "Later" never came. At that time I truly believed he was the love of my life, and that someday he'd be my husband. On the day of our marriage I would reveal to him that O.D.W.W.B.M. was short for "One Day We Will Be Married". I wanted him to know that I knew it was true love from the very beginning. As it turned out, we didn't marry, which is probably a good thing since we really had nothing in common, but writing and waiting for responses from him was the single most important experience I had my senior year in high school.

 It is hard for young people today to fully understand how difficult and costly it was to communicate with friends and loved ones. Today, with cell phones, texting, twittering, and Skyping, every thought you have can be shared, at any given moment, with others. Because of the high cost of long distance calls back then, we had to rely on letters. I can remember writing a 26 page letter to my sister-in-law about my birthing experience with Michelle, only to turn around and write another letter, of similar length, to a good friend.

But writing letters helps us become word smiths. Today's communications call for quick response time. When you write a letter, you have all the time you need to contemplate your words. Your vocabulary is as vast as the dictionary that sits beside you, and the words, once written and sent, become a permanent record of events. Much of history is based on letters that were preserved through time. I have a stack of letters that I have received over time, and although they will never be of any historical value, they do take me back to special moments in my life, that I can easily relive by reading the letters.

Time goes by, technology changes the way we live our lives. I do not wish to give up my cell phone or my ability to Skype. Although 2 of my children live out-of-state, these technologies help me feel very connected to them. I get a text from a son when shopping, asking for the ingredients to my stroganoff. Another son takes a video of his daughter running in circles (which he use to do) and sends it off to me... I get it immediately. Something is "gained". And, although letter writing may never be as important as it once was, we don't need to lose its magic completely.

If you want to tickle a friend, write her a letter. If you want to touch your partner's heart, send him a love letter. If you want to instill a love of language in children, write them letters. If letter writing becomes routine between you and a child, he will experience the anticipation of receiving letters and joy of crafting letters in return.

One of the perks of letter writing, is the ability to select beautiful stationery and note cards. It is also fun to create your own. Also, I like to keep small "tuckables" around to add to letters I write to children. The meekest of tokens become treasures when received in the mail.

Do you have someone in your life that would be thrilled to receive a letter? I'm betting you do :)      

Photo 3-1-13

It seems the closer we get to Christmas, the shorter the days become. I'm not talking about the hours of sunlight (or in our case, overcast skies :) but how there just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to get things done. So, in order to provide some new content on Wee Folk Art this week, I plan to share a few of my "holidayish" articles that I wrote for my now sadly neglected blog, One Generation to Another. This first article was shared on One Gen November 25, 2008. I did repost it here on WFA December 16, 2009, but we have gotten so many new readers in the past 3 years, I hope you old-timers will forgive the repetition. So... for your consideration...

Let me set the stage...late afternoon Thanksgiving Weekend, a snowstorm...no, a slushstorm...and (insert ominous music here)... THE MALL.

The principle characters...me, an extremely exhausted mom with my 9 year old son that just finished up his Christmas shopping.

The plot...after an exhausting but productive shopping spree, mother and son battle the elements and make what must be a four mile trek out to their car. It seems for the holidays The Mall annexed property in the next county to accommodate the hordes of shoppers. Having procured the WORST possible parking spot in the whole lot, tired mom sits in her seat and starts the car. She kicks the heat up all the way hoping to restore the feeling in her frozen toes before making the drive home, when 9 year old son in backseat says, "Uh oh, Mom. There's a problem." Nothing good can come of this! She begins praying for something simple like frostbitten fingers or a frozen seatbelt buckle. But alas, something far worse! When looking at a receipt The Boy notices that the Hallmark shop accidentally forgot to charge him for a $1.95 Troll he bought for his sister.

The conflict...9 year old son wishes to return to the Mall to rectify the situation. Near crazed mom wants to drive away fast and never look back! What to do?

At this point two axioms wrestle in the mother's thoughts. First, "Actions speak louder than words", and second, "Do as I say, not as I do". This is the type of moral quandary we face everyday as parents. We wish to teach our children to do the right thing...to be honest, to be fair, to take turns, to be compassionate, and to live by the "Golden Rule". Trouble is, as time goes by, rationalization has infiltrated our own personal values and our actions are often in direct conflict with the lessons we wish to instill in our own children. Mom's internal value system can easily identify the absurdity of tromping through the snow yet again for a measly $2.00. She can rationalize that someone, somewhere this week probably overcharged her by $2.00 so, in the long run, it all evens out. When faced with the Artic conditions, distraught mom wonders if it isn't time the child learned the nuances of honesty.

But there he sits, receipt in hand, with his integrity still intact. So, going against every survival instinct the mother possess, she turns, looks at the imploring eyes of her 9 year old son and says as enthusiastically as she possibly can, "Glad you caught that. Okay, let's go!" And back they tromp...through what has now escalated into a full fledge blizzard, to right a wrong. The salesgirl at the counter is not impressed. Her manager is standing behind her frowning. She'll undoubtedly be reamed later for her carelessness. Plus, the salesgirl is clueless as to how to fix this situation. Increasingly annoyed manager asks her to step aside as she takes over the transaction. The line behind them is getting ugly. Mom can feel their stares boring through her skull. No one is applauding her actions. No one is congratulating the boy for his profound honesty.

But, as Mom bundles up yet again to make their way back out to the car, SHE is proud; proud of her son, and yes, proud of herself. Sure, someday the son will start making his own rationalizations, but not on her watch. As long as she has anything to do with it she will encourage his moral behavior. She will also humbly learn from it!

Our children need us to be the people we hope they become. Although daunting at times, and near impossible at others, it is the gauntlet that challenges us to be our best!

We have just returned from a visit with our son Adam, and his lovely new bride, Raewyn. Did I take any pics of them? No. But I took plenty of their 11 month old Komondor aka Hungarian Sheepdog, Ari.

Ari is the process of getting his adult coat, and traditionally, the fur is separated to create a coat of dreads, giving them the nickname of "Mop" dogs. The photos really don't do Ari justice. He is a big dog, nearly 100 pounds, but looks much bigger because of the fur. He is in his awkward teens, between his puppy fur and adult coat. Below is a photo of what a mature, well groomed Komondor looks like :)

Adam told me Ari was creating quite a sensation in their town of Greenville, SC. After a walk through town, and lunch at an outdoor cafe, with Ari, I see what he means. Almost everyone that we passed on the street stopped to ask about his breed, take his picture, or simply gawk.

Greenville, known for their "dog friendly" atmosphere, has many outdoor restaurants and bars where dogs are welcome. Last week, the people at the tables around them decided to turn Ari's popularity into a "drinking game". Whenever someone stopped to ask about Ari, they took a drink. When someone asked for a photo, they finished their drink. Needless to say, spirits ran high :) If you live in the Greenville, South Carolina area, watch for Ari. If you see him, tell him "Gammy says Hi!"

(Ari chillin' with Adam)

I think we are done with our travels for the remainder of the year. (Still might fit in one more trip to Madison to see the Little Lady and Little Guy :) Anyway... Michelle does Thanksgiving at her house, so I think I'm ready to begin preparing for Christmas. Woke up this morning to a light dusting of snow... ho ho ho :)
 
BTW... for more info on Komondors, you can check them out HERE.

At one time or another, all parents experience irrational fears about their ability to parent well. Fortunately, our children are very good teachers,and as long as we are attentive students, they have much to teach us :)

You are invited to join me today on One Generation to Another and read "Ode to My Second Child"... a lesson on love and loving :)