On January 29, 2014 I posted the following on Wee Folk Art’s Facebook page:
“The other day I received a package in the mail from Poland. Seems Tim had purchased a beautiful journal for me for Christmas, but it got held up in customs and I just received it. What a wonderful surprise. My journal has a purple and green batik cover, with beautiful aged paper and a beaded jute bookmark. He bought it from the Patiak Esty Shop.
Here is a little secret though… well, won’t be anymore… but I have a lot of beautiful journals and all of the pages are still blank. You have to understand I write ALL the time. If I wake up in the middle of the night from a bizarre dream, I write it down. I have post-it notes all over my house with ideas and little writing snippets. I have an exercise I do each night where I come up with the first sentence of a short story. I am always writing as you well know. Can I ever (well occasionally) share a craft without getting all wordy on you? I think not!
BUT when I open a beautiful journal, my mind goes blank. That doesn’t happen with my spirals, or post-its, or the back of envelopes. It certainly doesn’t happen when I’m sitting at my computer. But give me a lovely journal, and nothing happens. I believe I have JDD… Journal Dysfunction Disorder! I CANNOT write in a journal.
Alas, there sit my beautiful journals… some cloth covered, some leather bound, and all empty, empty!
I guess today I am reaching out… I want to hear that I’m not a complete loon… or at least that I am not alone! Are there more of you out there with JDD or know of a good support group?”
I had so many words of encouragement from our wonderful readers. Just like watercoloring, which I wanted to do for years but somehow could never bring myself to take watercolors to paper, even with the words of encouragement, I simply couldn’t bring myself to mar a journal!
So, tonight, I’m sitting here in what can only be described as the set of The Money Pit, while Tim is frantically trying to complete the vanity for the master bathroom before the construction crew needs it. And, although I’m given to hyperbole, I kid you not, THIS is what I’m sitting in…
What I really want to be doing right now is sitting in a theater watching THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL, but no… instead I’m cowering in the corner, brushing imaginary spider webs out of my hair, and scraping real mud off the leather couch. (Any idea of what a construction site turns into with a spring thaw? Any idea how much mud 4 dogs can bring in the house when they run through said thaw?)
So, I figure I have 2 options. First, and trust me, if I was a betting woman my money would be on option number 1, is to go crazy and take as many people with me as possible, or option 2, try to center myself and find some beauty in this chaos. I believe it was this last ditch effort to maintain my sanity that pushed me over the edge, and led me to grab my newest journal, a box of watercolors, and finally take a chance.
It may seem like a diminutive accomplishment, but, dear friends, I know I just opened a door and that is BIG! So there you have it, I have finally made a mark in a journal AND I discovered a way to hold on to my sanity for the next few weeks. So, when I feel my left eye twitching, instead of running around the room trying to catch dust mites, I’ll pull out my journal, conjure images of beauty, and disappear into a fantasy world for just long enough to recharge my batteries and return to reality with a song in my heart or at least a tune in my head!